You were hurt that I didn’t come home and I didn’t call. As I pushed my bike up the muddy yard under a yellow-green sky amidst thunder cracks and warm heavy rain, I already knew I messed up. Of course, you would be worried. It didn’t make much sense to…

Now that I am sitting here cradling a coffee in the cold light of morning, I know with full certainty that I am firmly planted in reality. I am alive. Moments ago, I also believed I was walking through the real world, but you were there. You spoke and moved…

I don’t need anything. Stop fighting against it. Accept that you are fundamentally alone. Somehow this advice never floated across my radar before, the idea that all of the solutions were no more than band-aids… that one could simply choose to feel what being alive really is, instead of masking…

7 months, 13 days ago you left, on a Friday in June. My soul still doesn’t believe you are gone. Sometimes I pick up the phone to call. That is when the sky breaks apart; the truth shatters my heart. There was supposed to be more time. Decades more. Now, all we have is the time that came before. Every day after will be spent apart. I don’t know where you are. Some say you are everywhere, or even nowhere at all. Your exit left a crater. I almost fell inside. I must become someone else, to endure what follows that Friday in June.

Once upon a time (in the late 1900s), I wanted to be a pro illustrator. Many said that goal was impractical, yet, here I am. Today I need a new dream, a fresh start. Some may say building an A-Frame is risky or beyond reach. Renovating an existing cottage could be full of surprises. Sometimes I throw my hands up and decide that this is not worth the heartache or that no one would approve me for the construction loan. The barrier to entry is too high. How many rabbits is one allotted to pull out of her hat in a lifetime? But then someone calls back with a pre-approval. I may struggle for several years, but I am gunning for it. Having a target keeps me going. I’ve built something from nothing before.

What can you do when your person is gone? Scream into the void? I guess that is what this is. On a Tuesday evening last June, I excitedly told my Mom that I was finally ready to commit to making my dream of cabin/cottage/forest homeownership a reality. We lost her…

When you are grieving, others gather to assure you it will be OK. The world will go on. What others fail to understand, is that is an insult; one of the most gripping, terrible, unpalatable parts of grief. The world can go on without the person you find indispensable. Irreplaceable. Everything will be okay, but not for you. Everything just is. You perform normalcy for others, but it is not okay.

A dedication to Mom, who unconditionally shared her beautiful mind and kind heart with all whom she loved. — When you spot a bluebird, you may look forward to a future filled with joy, hope, and good health. Bluebirds were held dear by many cultures for thousands of years as a symbol of renewal and prosperity. As our family sorted through boxes of vintage photos to build Mom’s memory…

What comes next? — If you asked me what my highest priorities were on Tuesday, April 13th, I would have told you that I wanted to lean into artistic self-expression while paying down my college debt at a good clip. My dream was to write middle-grade fiction in fantasy, sci-fi, and horror genres, then…